(Continued from Part 1)
What it comes down to is that in many ways, society ascribes value to women based on how attractive they are to men. (This is only exacerbated by women’s idolatrous tendency to base their identity on who they are in relationship with others, rather than on who they are in Christ. But that’s a different post for a different day.) Whether it’s the young intern getting the job the middle-aged mom really should have landed, or the father demanding extra cows in payment for his beautiful daughter’s bride price, this sort of discrimination is widespread. We tsk-tsk over the cost to the women left out in the cold by this silliness, the women who are passed over for the promotions or livestock-laden proposals. But driving past those strip clubs, I couldn’t help but wonder if it’s the women who live into those unrealistic expectations who suffer the most. What happens to a woman’s heart when she embraces (and perhaps monetizes) society’s shallow view of her value?
But it doesn’t just happen in seedy strip clubs, on a Parisian catwalk or under the bright lights of Hollywood. It happens in our churches. The intersection between Christian patriarchy, pop culture, and pornography goes deep. All three rest on the foundational assumption that women exist for men, that their value and purpose lies in what they have to offer males.
In our churches, this usually comes from a misunderstanding of women’s creation as an ezer kenegdo, a “helper suitable” or “helpmeet.” Instead of being the strong ally, the powerful rescuer the word ezer implies (in the Bible, ezer usually refers to Israel’s military allies, or to God himself–it’s hardly a term of weakness or subservience), some seem to see women as more like the “comfort girls” that used to be (and in some places still are) provided to military men—beautiful, subservient creatures whose job it is to keep the men placated and comfortable while they carry out their important mission. One prominent pastor (who shall remain nameless) quipped that the pastor’s wife had the most important job in the church—having sex with the pastor. There is so much wrong with that, I don’t even know where to begin.
But Jesus never treated women like that. He respected them as persons, and welcomed them as his disciples, co-laborers, benefactors, and friends—a radical, counter-cultural practice that often scandalized even his closest followers.
I’ve often wondered what the “sinful women” described in the gospels thought of Jesus. What was going through their heads as they interacted with this incredibly unusual man? Did they expect the rabbi to condemn them? Did they wonder if he would seek them out after nightfall, like so many other “good” men did? Desperate for attention, for someone to love and affirm them, did they hope that he would take notice of their feminine charms? Were they befuddled when he didn’t? What was it like for them to be accepted not because of their sexuality, but in spite of it?
No wonder they loved him so lavishly, watering his dusty feet with hard-gained perfume and well-earned tears.
The world tells women that they get their value from how useful or attractive or desirable they are to men, that their purpose is to please men. Jesus treats women with the intrinsic dignity due people created in the image of God, and reminds them that their purpose is not to please men, but to please God.
How lovely on the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news!
“One prominent pastor (who shall remain nameless) quipped that the pastor’s wife had the most important job in the church—having sex with the pastor. There is so much wrong with that, I don’t even know where to begin.”
Yep, makes me want to puke.
And I’ve wondered the same thing about the women who spent time with Jesus. What was it like for them to be in the presence of someone they could feel completely safe with? What did they think when he did not treat them like most other men did? What did it mean to them that they – women! -could actually take part in the kingdom building he was always talking about?
Thanks for a great pair of posts here Jen!
Tim
My pleasure, Tim.
It’s hard to imagine how incredible meeting Jesus must have been for the women of his time–and the men, for that matter!
Thanks for being a voice for women and girls. Your writings are powerful and heartfelt. Great job in church on Sunday!
Thank YOU Beth!!!
Thank you for writing this pair of posts! Our daughters need to hear this loud and clear.
I couldn’t agree more–understanding that we’re supposed to find our identity in CHRIST and Christ alone could save women SO much heartache!!! Thanks, Stephanie!
Hey Jenny, thanks for the great post. However, after reading it I was left wondering what it is that “horrifies” you about the idea of Jesus having a girlfriend.
Thanks Chris! Funny you should mention that–this article was reprinted at Red Letter Christians, and several people asked the same think. For some reason I couldn’t cut and paste the reply I posted there over here, but it’s currently at the top of the comments thread there: http://www.redletterchristians.org/patriarchy-pop-culture-and-pornography/
The main argument I have against it has to do with the exclusivity of marriage, and Jesus being for us all.
That was a great insight. Thanks for helping me see it clearer.
One of the aspects of the woman washing Jesus’ feet with her hair was that this would have been seen in that 1st century culture as a GIANT come on and turn on, but Jesus never hinted at responding in that way and there is no hint of that from the woman’s side either. This is an incredibly freeing insight, that one does not need to play by the culture’s assumptions, including the one we are in today.
“One does not need to play by the culture’s assumptions, including the one we are in today.” Thanks Don–very well put!!!
I shared this on my Facebook page, and one of my friends insists that he won’t believe the claim that a prominent pastor actually said that about a pastor’s wife’s most important job unless you prove it. I want to puke, but I’d like to prove it to him. Would you share a link to your source for this?
Hi Joy,
Thanks for the share, and sorry for the drama! This article, by a very well-respected, conservative reformed woman (and her husband) contains the info. I’ve seen it elsewhere, too, but this is probably the most moderate statement: http://www.theologyforwomen.org/2012/02/our-review-of-real-marriage-by-mark-and.html Long story short, Mark Driscoll, Acts 29 Bootcamp message.
Another (late) perspective on “Jesus-had-a-girlfriend”: Some years ago I read a short story wherein Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, and knowing he was about to give up his life, had to say goodbye. I cried and cried and cried — maybe Jesus knew, really knew! what those last weeks with my husband were like before he died of cancer. Maybe his heart had been ripped out too. For the first time I felt like God suffered with me, wasn’t just watching detached from heaven. I don’t know if he had a girlfriend/wife and it doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that he knows!
And thanks, Jenny, for promoting healthy relationships and sexuality.