Well, my family survived Disneyland! I’m still vacationing in California, and still featuring some great guest posts. Today’s post is by my friend and fellow Redbud Michelle Van Loon, originally published on her blog in 2009. What does it say about our ministries when children are treated as an obstacle to be “dealt with,” when they are shuffled aside so they don’t disrupt “real” ministry? I’ve written about this Achilles heel of modern missions before, but Michelle looks at the from the perspective of the local church.
During our search for a church some time ago, we landed for a season at a small congregation that had been a part of the community for about 20 years. The people seemed friendly enough, the corporate worship was solid. We appreciated the family feel of the place, and hoped we might have found a good fit.
My first clue that something was terribly wrong was when I volunteered to help in the nursery. I was a newcomer to the church, so no one knew me beyond those little generic lobby conversations that sandwich a worship service: “Beautiful weather today”, “Wonder how the Bears will do this afternoon”, “Have a good week”. The lady in charge of nursery scheduling asked me one or two questions about who I was and where I’d come from, then added me to the rotation.
My first Sunday in there, she came in to show me where wipes and graham crackers were, and mentioned that a middle-school girl might be in to help me. Then I was on my own for the next hour and a half. I had a half a handful of kids that first day and didn’t know anything about any of them. The three parents dropped their kids off, and a couple of them came to check in partway through the service, but otherwise, I was on my own.
I stayed on the rotation for the next few months. One Sunday, I spent the service caring for a single child. While the little boy played happily with a roomful of toys, I spent the morning pondering what a nearly-empty nursery communicated about the church. (My conclusion: The place had given up on growth and outreach and had instead become a religious clubhouse.) We left shortly afterward, because the place then went through some dramatic leadership changes that caused the place to further contract.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended the Leadership Summit at Willow Creek Community Church, thanks to my position with Christ Together/Chicago (http://www.christtogether.com). The speakers were terrific, and the event had much to say about encouraging leaders’ soul health and casting a vision for service to others beyond their own tribe. The speaker who left the biggest impression on many was Compassion’s Wess Stafford, who told about his own call to ministry as a result of the abuse he suffered as a child in a missionary kid boarding school in Africa. He explained that the missions organization with whom his parents served sent their failed and washed up missionaries to teach at the school. They threw anyone with a pulse at the job, and horrific physical and sexual abuse was a part of the institution’s culture as a result.
I saw the same expediency at work in a micro way at that little clubhouse church. Kids weren’t important (and there were so few of them) – and they were willing to throw anyone with a pulse at the “problem” of nursery.
Most large churches have formal screening policies in place for those who work with children. But for those of you attending smaller churches, I’m curious – what does your church do to evaluate and monitor the people working with your kids?
My husband and I currently attend a small church (normally run around 90 to 100), and the problem of nursery workers is difficult. I did not read much in your story about the other side of the problem, i.e… not enough workers, no one willing to work in the nursery, and kids that need somewhere to go during the service. It’s not that the children are not important, I think every church believes kids are important, but often times there are not enough adults to be with them. People generally are not willing to commit to anything long term, so it is difficult to get anyone to sign up.
On the other hand, it is imperative that nursery/children’s programs have two adults or one adult and one 14-18 year old in the rooms at all times. It is also important for all adults to be background checked. These are things even our church puts into place to protect not only the children, but the adults in the situation as well.
Have you ever served as a nursery director/children’s director before? I would say that if you were put in those shoes, especially in a small church setting, the perspective would change quite a bit.
I think you’re right that finding volunteers for children’s ministry is hard, especially in the nursery. But you know, I wonder if the fact that it IS so hard to find people to volunteer says something about the preceived value of that ministry in the church? Also, one of the things I’ve noticed is that mothers are stereotypically the ones asked to do it, whether or not it has anything to do with their giftings, and despite the fact that they’re probably burned on on childcare. (I know I was when I had babies!!!) It seems to me that when I was little, it was the grandmas who were in the nursery. What happened to that?! Or was it just my experience?
Honestly, I’m a big fan of any church that can afford it hiring one consistent person with some early childhood background to be in the nursery every week, but that’s the mom of a special needs child speaking. Babies and toddlers benefit SO much from consistency. I mean, what one year old wants to be dropped off with a stranger, even if they DON’T have special needs?!
Two workers minimum is one of the basics for us. Also, modeling children’s ministry is key. My wife and I were active in nursery work even before we met, and continued with various ages over the years. Our son started working in the nursery at age ten and still fills in even now that he graduated college. Our daughter is another who has picked up on it, volunteering in children’s ministry at her college church.
The way I see it, children are not the future of the church, they are the church along with the rest of us.
Tim
P.S. New guest post at http://kingdomcivics.com/2012/07/06/o-canada/
Hope you get a chance to look it over.