What is with girls’ swimming suits?
I’ll admit at the outset that I am a boy mom–daughters are uncharted territory for me. Also, I live in a cold part of the country where people tend to keep themselves covered up year round. Modestly is all relative, and my midwestern sensibilities are set to a different barometer than those from warmer climes. I get that.
But still.
My two oldest boys are spending a week with Grandma and Grandpa in Denver, so Aaron and I decided to take the little kids to a nearby hotel/water park for the weekend. Waterslides, whirlpools, and all sorts of aquatic fun. I don’t typically think about it at the beach, but watching tiny girls run around an enclosed room with revealing and uncomfortable-looking wedgies, and lithe pre-teens struggling to keep their bikini tops aligned on their budding bodies, I couldn’t help but wonder what the people who designed modern female swimwear were thinking.
Well, actually, I think I know what they were thinking. And I don’t like it. Especially when it’s thrust upon little girls.
Now, I’m not trying to be judgmental. I could have happily lived in swimsuits when I was little, and have worn my share of less-than-practical bikinis in my day. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with girls wearing swimsuits, and if I had a daughter, I would certainly let her wear one, even if I preferred cute board shorts and a top that could be relied upon to do its job.
But still.
Female swimwear was clearly designed for display. Unless a kid is a competitive swimmer, there’s just no reason to be wearing skimpy, clingy clothing–it’s not practical or comfortable. And while it may be cute, my adult self, sitting at the water park, couldn’t help but wonder if there might be people in the room who appreciated the “cuteness” a little too much.
Ick.
I know, I know–that’s the looker’s responsibility, not the lookee’s. And I would never insinuate that female bodies are responsible for inciting lust. Lust comes from the heart, not the eyes.
But I couldn’t help but wonder if society is doing these little girls a great unkindness, by sending them out to play in this state of undress.
Here’s the thing. Even in my teens, when I was choosing skimpier swimwear, my (misguided) goal was not to turn the head of every male in the area–it was to be attractive, to show off the physique good genes and hours at the ballet barre had bestowed, to show anyone who bothered to notice that this quiet, awkward bookworm actually did have something that merited popular acceptance. And while I sometimes felt gratified by how friendly boys were at the beach, the attention I got was just as often unwanted, a nasty side effect of trying to reassure myself of my own value, as measured by my peers and society at large.
While I wanted boys to like me, I can honestly say that I never put on a bikini to try to attract men’s attention that way.
I simply didn’t get it.
And yet, now that I am an adult, I am aware that my naiveté probably didn’t keep anyone from looking.
Ick again.
If a woman wants to flaunt what she’s got, fine. But kids?
I realize that a lot of people will probably take issue with this post, but as I watched my little boys barrel down the waterslides and cannonball into the pools in their board shorts, I was thankful for the serviceable swaths of material covering their bums. And I felt uncomfortable on behalf of the girls who were tugging at their swimming suits, or who didn’t know enough to.
No judgement, but I think we all know where this double-standard comes from. If we don’t send our little boys out in Speedos, why should we send our little girls out in bikinis?
Thank you!!! Well said.
i am right there with you sweet girl. as a mom to three daughters and two sons we have had our battles over this one. yet we drew our line in the sand and said absolutely no two pieces. it is not ok. i need to protect my daughters from showing their bodies to those that they are not married to. and frankly, i don’t trust those that are looking at them. also to teach my sons to “bounce their eyes” from girls. girls that are wearing hardly nothing. and it makes me emabarrassed as a mom that you would let your girls wear such lack of clothing…really moms. take a stand.
That whole thing about protecting girls–SO important, because the status quo they’re pushed toward isn’t always safe or healthy, but how are they supposed to know that, when “everyone else is doing it” and it seems to be just fine for them?
As a nanny for 3 and 4 year old girls that spend a lot of time at the pool. I have wished for bikinis a couple of time. Because have you ever tried to get a wet swimsuit on and off a 3 year old quickly because you are taking her to the potty? Getting on is even worse. It sticks all over her and never really fits right after that.
I DO get that–I’m thinking board shorts and swimming tops would be much more reasonable all around.
My girls love their board shorts and tankini tops! Cuts down on board rash too
What would the issue be? We are setting little girls up to believe that their existence, meaning, and importance in this world is all about how they look. And when they can’t or don’t meet the impossible standards that are expected of them, they have problems. Colossal ones. Problems that go with them into adulthood, into their marriages, into their children (their own little girls) then get passed on into the next generation. Over and over again. Sometime, somewhere, we have to end the cycle.
And I also want my boys (I am a mother to four boys) to value girls and women based on who they are, not what they wear or how pretty they are.
Yes!
I think the issue I was referring to could be backlash against the “modesty movement,” which all too often puts undue pressure and rules on girls and women, making them feel guilty and insecure about their bodies, or implies that they are responsible in some way for other’s impure thoughts. That’s not my intent at all, and I have no issue with, say, skimpier clothes that serve some purpose–competitive swimwear, or short shorts for running, etc. But clothing that was so clearly created for display, and that displays so MUCH–to me, it’s an issue of safety and dignity.
This issue is hitting the airways in Australia where one mother is using social media to challenge the chain store Target.
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/fashion/storm-over-targets-trampy-fashion-sense-20120813-244xz.html
Wow–I guess that mom’s comment hit a nerve! Great article!
Interesting article as it raised several questions to me. Coming from a different culture which has an opposite approach to this issue- like girls up to 8 yrs old do not keep tops as they are considered children/babies- having them wearing bras is like making them look women. Saying differently is like destroying their innocence by transforming them into little women. Even though my daughters wear the one piece swimming suit (up to their shoulders) they look like aliens in the beach and it doesn’t make sense. I agree that some bikinis are too open and exaggerated, but to my opinion I don’t see anything wrong for a little girl to wear normal bikinis. I have a 5 yrs old son, who would not look at a little girl wearing bikinis like she is exposing herself, as that thought doesn’t cross his mind at all. While in the same time, someone else who is told that is wrong and is exposure will start to see even a little girl with that eye- she is a sexual object. And I have seen that. That’s my concern- that sometimes we go so far with laws and rules, that somehow we open the door of human curiosity too early. Another fact: look at Islam. It covers women from toe to head. Why? Because they see women as a sexual object which needs to be covered. Has it stopped immorality? No. You would see a Muslim woman go to the see all dressed, but then when she comes out of the water, isn’t her body somehow exposed as her clothes are tighten to her body?
Even with one piece swimming suit, still your body is exposed, even though not to that scale as with bikini, still you can tell if a body is tempting or not. So that raises the question: should we go at all at the public pools or beaches? Should we even expose legs or arms or even our neck? Where is the line?
Great points, Rudina! I actually think the issue for me has less to do with how much clothing a person is wearing than the functional purpose of the clothing. In many ways, I have fewer problems with children running around nearly naked than I do with them wearing clothes that seem to be created to show off a full-grown woman’s body. I’ve seen my share of underwear-clad toddlers enjoying an impromptu dip in the lake, and I don’t find that offensive at all It’s the thought process of the adults designing and buying “sexy” clothes that makes me go “hmm.”
I’m not 100% sure on this but I thought I read that the original purpose for veiling women was to protect them because you veil something or someone that is sacred.
I think we have to work with the heart of our children. As Job said: I have made a covenant with my eyes… we have to help our sons to make a covenant with their eyes and help our daughters to treat themselves with dignity. And as for those who are in the world, I think it is by God’s grace and the fact that He has given us a different perspective on life that we do not do the same things, as if it was for us, we would do the same things. blessings:)
Great post Jenny! I think girls do dress to look “cute” most of the time not understanding that some of the clothes they wear send an uninteded message to men that the girls/women want to be looked at as sexy. Men are just wired differently than women and are much more visual. I heard a couple give a talk on this issue and they were discussing a movie with Tom Cruise and some sexy beautiful woman in it, the man said the next day the pictures of the beautiful woman would just pop into his head all day and at any time so he asked his wife how many times the face of Tom Cruise came into her mind that day and she said “not once”. I thought this was a really good example of the difference between men & women on the issue of modesty.
As for the bikini on toddlers and young girls…I often think when I see the bikini top up around the girls neck like a necklace that it must be really uncomfortable and what was her mother thinking when she bought that suit?
unintended
I so wish that more parents would be willing to deal with this issue. Our hyper-sexualized culture is doing a great dis-service to young girls. They are simply modeling what they wear on what they see adults wearing, particularly famous adults. Thanks for writing.
Everyone has already commented so well on the issue of kids’ swimwear that all I want to add is a link to this article on the new Coppertone ad: http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/the-exchange/coppertone-chooses-icon-sunblock-144133927.html . Little girls in swimsuits (or being torn out of them) have been sexualized in that ad campaign for decades, and it appears to be continuing.
One line in your piece got me thinking along other lines: “to show anyone who bothered to notice that this quiet, awkward bookworm actually did have something that merited popular acceptance.” This is really packed with meaning, Jen, and applies well beyond just how we dress. I think most of us have a desire to “merit[] popular acceptance” in one way or another, whether it’s our looks or scholarship or careers or athletic abilities, etc. We want acceptance and sometimes we take it wherever we can find it. Why is it so hard to be satisfied with the fact that God accepts us and that this truly is enough?
Good job getting us all thinking, Jen.
Tim
P.S. I have a new guest post at Aimee Byrd’s place, linked through my name above. Hope you get a chance to take a look!
You said this so well! My experience allows me to “wade in the water” at both ends: I have friends who are super legalistic (won’t even let their boys in the pool at the same time as the girls while they’re home and won’t EVER be caught at a public swimming facility/ area – can you say dad-has- had-a-problem-with- pornography?) and then I have family members who are swimsuit models! EEK! Then I am raising five kiddos: three boys and two girls. The boys are not yet at the age where they even think twice about a girl’s sexuality and I’m not indoctrinating them for or against it at this point in terms of judging someone by what they wear or shielding their eyes. I’m trying to teach them not to judge anyone negatively by appearance. I have friends whose poor young sons are ruined for life because aspects of girls’ sexuality was brought to their attention way before it needed to be. As for my girls, they are not comfortable in wearing barely anything. This year my 13 yo dd wanted to buy a bikini for the first time. I made no big deal about it, bought it, and she tried it on for her dad. He nearly died of a heart attack! She said to me later, “I just wanted to know how he’d react when he saw me.” I guess his astounded response sufficed. How important dads’ reaction to their daughters is! I never had this (and never had a ballet-buffed bod either) and so much of this is new for me as well. I didn’t want to be either adamantly pro or con the bathing suit, but wanted to be available as she ventured into this newfound sexuality. She is too athletic to want to wear something with the potential to fall off if she is a bit too active in the pool, so I think she’s worn the bathing suit once to the pool. Even then she brought a backup and changed partway through the day. And she is not interested in attracting boys due to some needy psychology on her part. I’m so glad! Thanks for this post and all the responses.