The blogosphere can be a bizarre place, a bubbling cauldron of controversy, rhetoric, and vitriol. Sometimes, I’m not too fond of it.
I haven’t been blogging a lot lately. Yes, I’m still tired from a whirlwind summer. Yes, I needed to get the kids into their school routines. But mostly, I’ve needed to think. I’ve needed the silence and stability of the “real world,” the grounding, day-to-day cycles of running the dishwasher, folding the laundry, and helping kids with homework. I’ve needed to read books, instead of writing posts. I’ve needed to let my mental spin cycle tumble its own laundry, ignoring the latest internet dirt.
See, I hate controversy. I don’t think this is shocking to anyone who knows me “in real life.” I feel like a Timothy at heart, a timid, pious, sensitive type, driven to bouts of boldness by love and faith, but so innately unsettled by the hoopla surrounding his calling that his stomach was constantly roiling.
I don’t like to ruffle feathers. I’m more the smoothing-hair-and-whispering-soothing-words type. I’d rather comfort people than churn them up.
And yet, I can’t stick with safe, non-controversial topics when the bonds of legalism chafe so cruelly that the broken-hearted whimper or cry out in pain, or when people are suffocating their souls trying to live up to the status quo, instead of growing into their identity in Christ.
So sometimes I just keep my mouth shut. And think. And pray. And cry.
It always startles me to hear someone refer to me as a rebel, or provocateur, or some such thing. Seriously, me? Gentle, peace-loving, “don’t-you-dare-step-on-that-bug-because-it-has-feelings-too” Jenny? It absolutely astonishes me.
And yet, it makes me do a heart-check. Am I harboring some anger or bitterness that I have not worked through? Am I saying or doing things that are needlessly divisive? Am I, despite my best efforts, tearing down brothers and sisters I disagree with, instead of building up the Body of Christ?
I hope not. And I don’t think that I am. That is certainly not my heart, and I SO hope that comes across in my writing. If only because I selfishly don’t want to be misunderstood.
But I think there is more to not wanting to be misunderstood in this regard than selfishness. It’s because I want my life to exude Ephesians 4. “…Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love…Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
I hope that comes across in my writing, and in my life.
Sounds like you’re feeling a bit battered & bruised and having just skimmed through the comments section of the 50shades blog I’m not surprised. But Jenny I think your true gentle nature does always shine through. People who really read you know that you are not angry or bitter but really just care about the tough issues. Take time to rest but please don’t leave blogging – we need your gentle yet challenging voice!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Kathy.
I’m actually not feeling battered and bruised–I’ve always appreciated the fact that the comments on my blog tend to be remarkably civil, especially given some of the topics I tackle! It’s more of an internal tension for me. And when people perceive me very differently than I perceive myself–even when they’re complimentary about it!–it startles me and makes me wonder what sort of messages I’m sending, and if they’re in line with my intentions. I won’t stop blogging–I’m just thinking, resting, and contemplating.
Jenny, I just finished a post for Redbud on this very topic! I admire your willingness to step forward and speak the truth, to write about your convictions, despite your dislike for creating controversy (I know that feeling well!!!) Nothing is wrong with taking a break, nothing at all…but I hope when you are ready you will re-enter the blogosphere. The world is a better place for your having written about those areas of conviction.
Thank you for the encouragement, Helen.
On the topic of writing graciously about controversial topics, the post you wrote recently for Scot McKnight on homeschooling was EXCELLENT!
Jen, your insights are constructive and irenic. I don’t hang out with folks who rouse rabble just for the sake of wreaking havoc, but I hang out here so you can take it to the bank that you’re not just another spleen venter.
Please continue to stand up for God and his people, and for the oppressed and under-represented. It’s what Jesus did, and you can’t do better than that!
Tim
P.S. Have you had a chance to look over my new blog? Linked it through my name here. Today’s post should look very familiar to you.
Hey, that IS familiar!
I was so excited when I heard you were starting a blog–about time, I’d say. 
Although I hope you don’t stop guest posting, too!
Jenny, I haven’t been reading for very long but I appreciate your writing and the stand you take for Jesus. I can identify to some of the things you write about in this post, and I think your plan to step back, contemplate, read, etc. is a good plan. I once took an intentional 3 month break from blogging and found it to be very healing. Sometimes just identifying the issue (as you did in this post) is freeing.
Thank you, Lesley.
An intentional break from blogging sounds like a refreshing thing to plan at some point–AND, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about not posting!
Hi Jenny,
This isn’t self-indulgent at all. We all need time to go ‘inside’ and sit and reflect. Remember the scripture – Be still and know that I am God. It’s important to take this time, even though it’s almost counter-cultural to do so these days. But then, isn’t being a Christian these days somewhat counter-cultural? (at least from the perspective of my former residence of NYC, not so much south Florida). I just read Ephesians 4 this morning and was struck by its humble, yet oh so significant message. May we all embrace it – especially today on World Peace Day! Keep up the really excellent posts.. when you are ready!
Lisa
Ooh, I didn’t realize it was World Peace Day! Ephesians 4 is definitely a good passage for that day. Imagine if people actually lived that passage out, en masse! Thanks, Lisa.
a peace loving rebel
You say things that need to be said with a Christ-attitude. You come across lovely all the time 
It was a joy to read you again.
Thanks, Connie.
I don’t mind being YOUR sort of rebel! 
I could hear your sweet voice saying all of the above. I’m inclined to say it’s your softness and sensitivity that guides your writing and not bitterness. You hurt with those who hurt and stand up for the oppressed and afflicted.
I hope you find comfort in the silence. And I hope you’ll be back to saying what needs to be said, fearlessly. That’s the Jenny I’ve been getting to know and I admire her fiercely.
Thank you, Lara–your kind words are so encouraging! Thanks for hearing my heart.
Looking forward to more time to chat person-to-person at the next Redbud Retreat, hopefully!
Thanks for speaking the truth in love, Jenny. You stand up for what’s right and for people who don’t have the words to do it themselves.
I realize this is an older post, but I’m still catching up on all your great thoughts here. I have been feeling torn myself as I venture more publicly into this world on what the right ‘approach’ is for me… I see so many things from both sides; and granted, I definitely feel passionate about wishing the Church could see the freedom and equality that I do in scripture…and yes, I feel it’s time to look below the surface and delve into some of the ‘harder’ issues… But at the same time, I do still struggle with also deeply loving many of the people on the ‘other side’ who are my dear friends and family, and I don’t want to just seem like a voice of defiance or division. And yet…I am SO TORN…because I feel that so many things do NEED to be said… And so I continue to wrestle with the ‘hows’ of saying them…and trying to find what my own voice needs to be…and is…in this bigger ‘conversation’.
Your posts, as I have been reading back through them have been very encouraging and helpful in bringing clarity to my own thoughts, feelings and approach. I’m fairly certain you’ll probably be finding more “late to the game” comments from me!!!