Is it just me, or have instances of men running for public office saying outrageous things about women’s reproductive systems hit an all-time high?
It’s possible I just never noticed it before. In my mid-thirties, I’ve lived through a blessedly limited number of election cycles. My aversion to television and talk radio has kept my life quiet, so perhaps I just missed the stupid things people said BG (before Google).
But I don’t think so.
I need to say up front that this post is not about those men who Said Stupid Things. It’s not even about the fact that they apparently Belive Stupid Things. That doesn’t surprise me. Because people are Taught Stupid Things.
Heck, I remember being told, in my early teens, that I shouldn’t play on my friend’s pogo stick, because the bouncing could hurt my uterus and make me unable to have children. I remember almost believing it–believing it enough to give up the pogo stick.
So this post is not about the folly of Believing Stupid Things. We all Believe Stupid Things, sometimes.
No, it’s about the folly of Saying Stupid Things when you really don’t know what you are talking about. About speaking out of turn and attempting to colonize other people’s experiences with your personal opinions.
I’ve done this before. Attempted to engage people, to converse on issues of importance, by BS-ing through “facts” I learned on the internet, by speaking earnestly and convincingly about things completely outside my realm of experience.
It’s a function of insecurity and immaturity, that need to have an opinion on everything. And to insist that opinion is right, because the internet/Fox news commentator/book-by-favorite-author said so.
No, the problem is not that more people are Believing Stupid Things. The problem is that public discourse has devolved to the point where they feel entitled to Say Stupid Things. Where they’re encouraged to Say Stupid Things.
We have a whole industry built around People Who Say Stupid Things, a whole economy surrounding them. We have a stable of verbal gladiators who are rewarded handsomely for their efforts. Oh, they may be eviscerated by their rivals on an almost-daily basis, but what’s a little blood when there’s money, glory, and power to be gained?
Of course, I don’t think most of the men who have Said Stupid Things about rape and reproduction this election season fall into that category. But do you know what I think? I think their heroes do. Even, and perhaps especially, their spiritual heroes.
Modesty has gone out of vogue, and too many big name pastors and theologians butter their bread by saying truly outrageous things in a needlessly combative tone.
Maybe they believe those outrageous things, maybe they don’t. Maybe they’d say they’re engaging in hyperbole, that they’re being relevant to a culture that has gone off the rails.
But even if they believe those outrageous things, there seems to be little attempt to temper their statements with pastoral sensitivity and plain old human decency.
Seriously? I felt bad for the would-be politician who said pregnancies resulting from rape were “the will of God.” He was so clearly regurgitating the untempered words of a religious leader who Says Stupid Things, who has little concern for tact. I understood what the guy meant (even if I think his theology is wonky). I think most reasonable people of faith do. But he said it in such an incredibly insensitive way. There is no need for such polarizing, patronizing rhetoric, and no excuse for it, either.
Politics is politics, and it will always be messy and adversarial. But I have a serious bone to pick with our religious leaders for failing to lead the way in loving, thoughtful, respectful discourse. I have a serious bone to pick with them for failing to humble themselves, for refusing to seek out and value the voice of the “other,” for attempting to overwrite human experience, especially the female experience, with their personal opinions and academic biases.
So, shh.
Next time you’re tempted to Say Something Stupid, to pontificate on something you have no personal experience with, try saying nothing instead. Try listening. Try saying, “I don’t know. That’s totally outside my realm of experience. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that matter.”
Not having an opinion, or failing to state a flimsy opinion, wouldn’t make you sound weak, indecisive or stupid. Quite to the contrary, it would be a sign of great wisdom.
And goodness knows, we need less Stupid and more Wise.
“So, shh” – LOL Love it!!
And yes we could all do with a bit of this: “I don’t know. That’s totally outside my realm of experience. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that matter.”
Great post as always! Even got my husband chuckling when I read parts out loud!
Thanks Kathy! Glad I could add a smile to your day.
Well said, Jenny.
Thanks Amy!
I’ve read this twice now and I’m having a hard time figuring out what you want to say about Richard Mourdock. Is it that you think he and those who inspire him are correct on the merits (God wants pregnant rape victims to bear their rapist’s child and public policy should reflect this) but sinply that the tone is “needlessly combative” and “untempered”?
Of course not. What I’m trying to say (without naming too many names) is that Richard Mourdock is butchering Calvinist theology in a manner completely in keeping with many leading neo-Reformed preachers. I’m not a Calvinst by any stretch of the imagination, and I don’t think any of the Reformed folks I know would ever say such a horrific thing. But there are plenty of neo-Reformed preachers who say awful, outrageous things on a semi-regular basis, and get a lot of attention for if. So it’s not surprising that their followers would think it’s perfectly acceptable, commendable even, to talk that way.
I’m with Nicholas Kristof on this one–God should start filing slander lawsuits.
But ultimately it’s not Mourdock I blame for the sketchy theology he’s spewing. It’s the people who taught him to think and talk that way. I’m not trying to let Mourdock, Akin, etc. off the hook–just exploring where that mindset comes from.
Thanks for the response, which makes sense. My point is only that the relative heat of the rhetoric isn’t the problem — the content of the remarks are. Mourdock and Akin are grandfatherly dudes speaking in a manner they seem to think is very reasonable; but whether one is frothing like Rush Limbaugh or writing out this sort of thing on a Hallmark card, it’s the content that disqualifies these people from public service.
I totally agree with you there! I just think that the polarization and politicization of public discourse actually pushes people to espouse beliefs that are far more extreme than they would hold to otherwise.
I had this same conversation with a pastor just yesterday. Very glad to know I’m not the only one who feels we’re sort of beyond the pale regarding ‘civil’ discourse in this country. Let’s pray that we can get to a point (again) where we can agree to disagree, but then figure out a way to work together to go forward.
It seems to me that political conversations have been extreme my entire life! But I have a hard time believing that things have always been quite so contentious. I’m guessing the 24/7 exposure to media and increased competition among broadcasters has made things far worse than they could ever get back in the days when grandpa would come home from work and tune into one of the three stations for the nightly news.
Point taken – I wonder if there is hope for civility in the media. i was more thinking of when politicians understood the meaning of the word compromise. yes, there really was a time – and not that long ago. (think about Ted Kennedy, Paul Wellstone, folks like that.)
Ah, Wellstone. I miss him. For a long time after he died, we’d still see his name on bumper stickers. #MissTheOldGuard
Jen, I had a poster on the wall of my bedroom when I was back in High School that read Silence is the Only Successful Substitute for Brains. Not that I always took its advice, but it was a good reminder.
***
And just this morning in court an attorney asked me if an appellate court’s ruling included a certain provision. I told him I had no idea but I was sure a review of the appellate opinion would show one way or another. Who was I to try to bluff my way through something like that? It would be no better than the foolish talk mentioned in Ephesians 5:4.
“Silence it the only successful substitute for brains.” Indeed!
thanks for this post, jenny – ‘less stupid and more wise’ indeed!
i went ahead and passed along those sentiments to my readers in a post today :: http://tinyurl.com/9l6xeq9 || thanks for writing!
Thanks Michael!
At the risk of sounding stupid I’m going to chime in anyway. In defense of Mr. Mourdock, he said, “but I came to realize that life is a gift from God. And I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen.” The way I understand that statement and Mr. Mourdock clarified later is that God intended the life not the rape. He said later “What I said is that God creates life.”
So my faith and reason tell me that even a child conceived in the horrible violent act of rape is still a life and still has dignity and value.
I am very guilty of being a loudmouth and saying stupid things. It’s so easy to google anything now and become an “expert” in 30 seconds or less, I can always find someone who will agree with my position on a subject no matter how stupid my position may be. I’m trying really hard to be a better listener and less of an “I know it all so I’ll give you some advice” person.
Thanks for a great post, your writing always gets me thinking!
Yes, I caught that that was what Mourdock was TRYING to say–he just said it in a very unfortunate way! Life is sacred and precious, no matter how it begins. But when people are talking about rape, they need to be very careful with their words, and do more listening than talking. A few flippant words can cause considerable damage.
There ARE people who believe that God wills everything that happens (as opposed to allowing things contrary to his will, or redeeming horrible circumstances). I don’t know if Mourdock is one of those people or not, although his choice of words makes me suspect he is. When it comes right down to it, though, I have a very hard time dealing with the ambiguity and less-than-well-informed opinions men are spouting on this subject. If Mourdock had said “abortion shouldn’t be an option even in the case of rape, because as horrible as rape is, taking a life is worse,” then I would respect him for stating his opinion–one that is massively unpopular, and one that I happen to agree with, though the ramifications horrify me. But when people start fiddling around with saying rape and its consequences were willed by God, or that rape can somehow be more or less “legitamate,” or that women’s bodies have a way of preventing conception during rape–well, those aren’t people that I want leading me. It seems to me that they simply aren’t willing to own their very strong convictions on the subject, and so have to question the validity of the trauma the woman went through, or blame it all on God. THAT is not okay with me!
Thanks for having the courage to speak to such a fraught subject!!! See, YOU aren’t afraid to own your ethics and beliefs! ;-D I love hearing your insights!
You’re right Jenny!
It seems God all too often gets blamed for the evil men choose to do.