Precious friends, I hope you live your lives in the joy and freedom of Christ. But just in case you need a reminder, I’m going to say it again:

Watch out for those mutilators of the feminine heart, those people who say you must do this, must be that, must change who you are and conform to certain expectations to be a woman who is acceptable to God. Because WE ARE godly womanhood, we women who serve God through the power of the Holy Spirit, who won’t shut up about Jesus, and who put no confidence in the standards people set for “biblical womanhood”–although if meeting those standards was all there was to following God, I’d be in pretty good shape.

Seriously, when it comes to being a “good Christian girl,” I was golden: Born into a respected ministry family, I evangelized my elementary school, started a Bible study in my high school, defended the doctrines I had been taught, and slipped scripture verses into casual conversation. I “guarded my heart,” kept my True Love Waits pledge, and married a man who was going into ministry before I was old enough to have a glass of champaign at the wedding reception–not that I would have served alcohol anyway. I was a stay-at-home mom to our quickly filling quiver, a passionate volunteer at church, an accommodating friend, and (much to my husband’s chagrin) a submissive wife.

But all those things that made me look so good, so spiritual, in the world’s watching eyes? It’s a load of crap, about as valuable as used tampons compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus, and if people think less of me for not toeing the party line on what Christian women are supposed to do and be, so be it. The pretty, spiritual-sounding expectations of “Biblical womanhood” can become a downright hinderance, a temptation to find our worth and identity in our works instead of in Christ, and I’m not going there. I want to be defined by Christ’s righteousness, the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith, not my own exhausting, crap-tastic attempts at piety. Because seriously? If there’s one thing I’ve discovered, it’s that I’m not going to get there that way. I’m not strong enough, not disciplined enough, just not good enough. I don’t want to identify with the Proverbs 31 woman; I want to identify with Jesus: to know the power of his resurrection, to participate in his sufferings, to become like him in dying to myself so I can become like him in the resurrection from the dead.

I’m not saying I’m there yet, but I’m going to keep moving forward, letting Jesus reel me in until I am right where he wants me to be. God knows I’ve still got a lot to learn, a looong way to go, but I’ve turned my back on my past, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and am pressing on toward God’s future.

I’ve been at this Christian woman thing for a while, and I sincerely hope that you’ll join me in this journey toward freedom, that maybe my experiences could spare you some shame, heartache, anxiety and exhaustion–oh, the exhaustion! If you see things differently, though, that’s okay too–God will clear this all up in the end, and there is much grace for all of us. But wherever we’re at with this, let’s not go backwards, falling into either self-righteous legalism or self-indulgent depravity, okay? Let’s keep our eyes on the prize: on being transformed into the image of Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit, instead of trying harder to act like Good Christian Women.