I am replacing my previous post, in which I fretted about politics, self-employment, and my children’s welfare, with something better:

“Do not worry and say, What are we to eat? What are we to drink? How are we to be clothed? It is the pagans who set their hearts on these things. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all. Set your heart on his kingdom first, and all these other things will be given to you as well.”
Matthew 6:31-33

You know, I have spent a disproportionate amount of time over the last six months worrying about material things, and particularly what I should do about them. Or, more accurately, what I think other people would think I should do about them. And while I am certainly not knocking fiscal responsibility or career-mindedness, the truth of the matter is that I KNOW what I am supposed to be doing–I am just having a hard time finding the courage to do it. I am letting outside forces and “common sense” drown out the voice of the Holy Spirit. (And just so you all know, this is not based on things people have said to me–this is based on my own speculations about how people might view me if I made certain decisions–if they’d think less of me or more highly of me if I made one decision as opposed to another. It’s MY neuroses, pride, and lack of faith that has been the problem, not any lack of encouragement from my almost ridiculously supportive family, friends, and community.)

So, I am going back to square one. Seek first the kingdom of God, and gratefully accept whatever provision he chooses to send my way. Give up the time-sucking classes that I think will make me more “marketable,” and stick to the ministry classes that are equipping me for the things I feel called to do. Finish my writing early in the day, so I can spend more time focused on my children in the evenings. And schedule myself the time I need to be a conscientious student, instead of trying to squeeze it into the cracks because I feel guilty about taking the time away from my family.

In short, I should concern myself with the things I KNOW God wants me to do (and wants me not to do), and let God worry about the details of how it will all work out.

Not that God is worried.

And if God’s not worried, why should I be?

Shalom–wish I knew how to make the Hebrew characters on my keyboard!